


Dear Anon Internet

by Diamond_King



Category: Original Work
Genre: Cancer, Liver Cancer, Multi, Normal Life, Slice of Life, Therapy, chemo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-11-12 14:37:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 8,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11163933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diamond_King/pseuds/Diamond_King
Summary: The life of Samuel Børssen . A 20 year old who did nothing wrong (at least nothing too terrible) and now lies in hospital because of cancer.  And this is his daily cooldown talk (writing) on the internet.





	1. First Log

**Author's Note:**

> Day 1, June 11th 2017 to Day 4, June 14th 2017

#### June 11th, 2017

Well, dear Anon Internet.  
Here I am in hospital-Cancer Station 2, fierce/ mutiple cancer.  
I got the better out of it : single livercancer, medium fierce-healable within months, if my body reacts well; normal life after, no hair regrow though.  
I look bald better anyways, shaved my head since I’ve been four years old.  
The one next to me got it worse, worst maybe : three cancers.  
Bearably helpable. Still he smiles at me real nicely. He’s pierced, above where his left eyebrow used to be. Three little balls.As I asked him about it he smirked at me and pointed down his crotch area: „...There are the bigger“

I _stared_ at him. Once, out of childish curiousity I pricked a needle there-not my best or brightest moment- and that _hurt_.And **he** had piercings there...Yes it impressed me.

But i figured he’s immune to physical pain anyways;we had radiotherapy together thanks to _sick_ Dr. Immack.He...  
I screamed at the top of my lungs(1st radiotherapy), he just relaxed before and whilst he didn’t even flich. No sound was to be heard. Besides me...I think he’s tough, well at least tougher than me. And really relaxed. His voice is really quiet, steady and calm. I also think that he got bad hearing. He didn’t hear the nurse calling his name, just reacted to her when she waved her hand infront of his face...and he just waved back, again smiling.

#### June 12th, 2017

Did you know Anon Internet? Livercancer isn’t usuall to be therapied by chemo, it’s only to slow down the wrecking of my liver. My other doctor told me so [Dr. Immack is still _sick_!]

 

The one next to me, I secretly call him Mr relaxe, told me he’s been in and out of chemo for about **nine years** now. That’s long. He agreed because he came in, he said, with a fierce, fast spreading lung cancer, now he got two mestasthingies in his inner ear [ _explains his bad hearing leftsides_ ] and the primary cancer still undefeated in his lung. He told me further on „it ain’t fierce an’ fast no more“. That ought to be true, but still...I think three is worse than one, he doesn’t agree on that though. What do you think? Just write a comment. I will answer. 

 

It’s afternoon. I was allowed half an hour in the hospitals garden _for fresh air_. With a nurse. It surprised me that it was a pretty athletic he. He spoke my mothertongue and that was good.

Did I tell you even who I am ? Well I’m Samuel , twenty years old, pretty sturdy countering buff. I like ...my arriving Dinner! It’s mushed potatoes with ceasar’s salad. Thanks Dad.

#### June 13th, 2017

Today was so boring Anon Internet. So _damn_ boring. I just laid in my bed. And laid, and laid. Did I mention that I laid in my bed _all_ day?  
Then was breakfast and further laying. Sooo bored, I feel like today was endless. My Dad brought me lunch. And I called my friend/ buddy/ Ex-with-benefits-no-more Aden ‘Ade’ ( pronounced Aid)“ the Adonis come to life“ Sufrat. He hadn’t had exactly time for me, but promised to call. He’s actually the only one who knew and supported me next to my Dad when I first was diagonised cancer. The others said it would be fine, or keep going, but no real, heartfelt support there. Ade did support me with all his heart and soul, even giving me the adress of my current hospital ; a payable bill, skilled doctors and nurses and two persons rooms. I hope he calls back soon, but he’s quite busy himselves, an upcoming model for ‘the special kind’ of clothing.  
But still, I’m bored as hell and it’s only 2 pm. Write me something people...PLEASE #Boredom

#### June 14th, 2017

Today is everything just so freaky, I mean nothing freaky ‘bout my Thermo-Therapy or the injection , which both is against my cancer. No, but the **_clown_** they, whoever dumb that may be, send to our room! Both Mr Relaxe and me are to old for a childrens clown with ballon figurines and soapbubbles. My buddy Ade who, instead of calling me, just came by stared at the clown in utter disbelief“ A...a.. **clown** ?! Pffft...seriously, just who old does som’ne think you are ? „ I dunno as I told him. What do you think about it Anon? Just tell me. I’ll be there. But first we gotta get rid of that clown. I mean it’s _dancing_ and _throwing confetti_ **?!** No, just no.


	2. Second Log

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 5, June 15th 2017 to Day 9, June 18th 2017

#### June 15th, 2017

Well Anon, I’m happy. Ade is with me again. We’re not in a relationship again, but that’s better. We just don’t work you know. He’s been bringing me his radi. It’s a nice gesture. He never gives his beloved radio away, he could miss the news! Yeah, it’s true that he never misses the bi-hourly news on his fave channel, gee he even has an lifetime abo on the New York Times. „I’m some’ne who just gotta **know** whatta goin’ on outta there“ He’s got quite a way to talk, for a model especially. He told me it’s the way he learnt to talk, back in Downtown Alley. But sadly, he had to leave soon. Darryl, the nurse from a few days ago, shooed him out. I saw them bickering infront of my room, when another nurse came in with my brunch. I ordered ‘Brunch and late Dinner’ instead of ‘Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner’ honestly, it’s a bit cheaper and brunch got eggs and no black bread _extra from Germany_.Duh.  
Hope you guys do better than me :) Samuel over and out .

#### June 16th, 2017

I’m getting used to this. I’m in hospital, waking up too late, getting a nice brunch, smalltalking with Mr. Relaxe whose name actually is Raviv. It’s hebrew and means Rain. Well wasn’t that wrong about his name afterall. Hah, I’m so good, call me the king of nicknameing people according to their actual names. Yup, that’s it, I’m a douche. _But_ **I like it!**  
Ouch! Thanks Ade, he just hit me back to normal. I should probably show you a photo of him on the catwalk in NYC. He walked there right yesterday. „ It’s a charity thing, for people. Wore something really cool: a poncho.“ Three Agencies are after him, again. He wants to stay ‘Indie’. So running is the option.

 

*Sportsevent Commentator Voice* We’re here at hospital, it’s 3.45 pm and we’re highly awaiting Raviv the number 1 in relaxedness and chill.*voice end*

He’s been in radiotherapy for about an hour. Wow.I couldn’t even stand the 1st radio and he’s been doing this for about nine years. If the time he’s been doing that makes him that relaxed? I don’t know. I don’t know anything actually, it’s just my first week.  
One week, wow. One week of Thermo-Theraphy, of my dad bringing my fave foods in for snacks/ dinner, three days of Ade by my side till nurse Darryl shooed him out.

#### June 17th, 2017

Hey, Samuel here. I’m running around in my room. Why? Well Darryl tries to get my blood, but I hate it, I’m not giving him my _precious_ blood! It’s mine. Stays where it belongs: in my body fighting cancer. 

_**Ow!** _

Whilst I was running and hiding Darryl called in another nurse! Also male! The other grabbed me! And Darryl stole my blood! Damn that falseplayer. He says every 8th Day he’ll collect my blood _in order to check it_ ...Not happy. 

At least there are steamingplatforms out there. They made my day, when Raviv showed me the ‘NCIS New Orleans’ Stream, he got me hooked and addicted. We are watching one episode a day. He says „ I like Pride, he looks just like my godfather does...“ 

#### June 18th, 2017

Today was a hell! First it started to pour buckets over buckets, then a thunderstorm roared for hours on, then a tornado passed by, and I had no charged mobile or otherwise camera to go for material. Damn. But then I got even worse! The internet, mobile and net connection to the whole outer world failed. Yeah, it’s been a horrible day. 

Okay, start over; pouring buckets at 3 am which woke me up, a thunderstorm from 5 am to 3 pm, not that I mind thunderstorms they got something special, but soo long. And finally a bypassing tornado, which just went by, not even near but visible. So I’m quitting, ‘cause I got a headache and am tired as fuck, thank you very much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are worked within this fic, if you write them towards me or towards Samuel directly, they're -if possible- gonna be part of the next daily entry. So yeah you readers are Anon Internet YOU are the ones who can make chapters longer, get to know more about Samuel, Raviv, Ade or the male nurse Darryl.


	3. Log 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 10, June 19th 2017 to day 13, June 22nd 2017

####  June 19th, 2017

Okay, okay. I see it, I see it. Yesterday was a pure headache-powered rant about the weather. We got just slight rain today, if Anon is interested. If not, your problem not mine.  
Raviv thought he could smuggle his pet in, well he _**thought**_. He also _**thought**_ it would be easy to hide that pet and feed it, whilst noone would get to know. I recognized it instantly when he started squirming under his covers ( Raviv has been cold lately) at brunch and I asked him why, he showed me his beloved **‘Fellatio’** that’s it’s actual name. Well his and not my pet, I gotta say. As soon as I knew, he put it in his lap and started petting it. He says it’s a _he_ and albino, for those who had’nt known before ( as me, actually) it means _white with red eyes_ because the blood behund the irias is visible as Raviv explained. Kinda totally creepy if you askin’ for my opinion. Again, his pet, not mine. But you never gues what animal it is; I guessed weasel , a ferret. He could hide it over his lunch, even feeding it his steak, as he preferred medium-rosè and sugar beets. 

Now a good two hours later, we got that problem. Little **Fellatio** ran away. „...coulda seen it coming“ Raviv smiled. Now we got a cable-chewing ferret running loose in a hospital, at Cancer Station! And none of us both are allowed out of bed, after our therapys today. Mine was kinda pleasant, my therapeut talked to me all the time. We got along very well. And surprise, it was infamous  >em> Dr Immack ! He’s so much more talkative than everyone said. Unbelievable just what people tell. He told me, that he wasn’t even sick, no he went to an further educational lecture. Wow. And I was told by everyone was playing sick to take an extra paid vacation. Just thinking, do you Anons want an update/ updates on my health status ?

Samuel offline.

####  June 20th, 2017

Nothing new today. Fellatio is still missing,the little prick.  
Raviv is getting all nervous and upset about it.  
I’m still as sick as in was before and i’m starting to lose weoght, that’s actually terrible. I mean I’m proud of that muscle I build up trough woodworking the traditional way. With axes.  
Raviv needed to get his blood tested today, he stuck his tongue out like a little boy. But coped then smiling. And asked darryl about his ferret, after Darryl was in picture, of how what and _why you had to smuggle it in Raviv? You could have asked , we got a pet-center therefore, you know._ Darryl went ( and yes he allowed me to call him firstname) to spread about _A missing ferret, yes, from patient 56-777841, yes. That’s correct. We gotta find it. Yes, they do gnaw cables._  
That’s it for today. Thermo is a lot more exhausting than I originally thought.

####  June 21st, 2017

The third day of a-missing ferret named Fellatio. Raviv now is actively upset . With like everyone. I overslept some of that ruckus today, ‘cause no one wanted to wake me. Not even Ade that traitor! He just Mobilecam filmed me while I was innocently drooling on my pillow. In utter peace! Well I’m awake now and it’s like high noon already! At least I’m feeling less tired than yesterday.  
That ruckus seemingly occured when a chiropractican heard a squeaky noise „from above me, somehow“ and now they’re chasing Fellatio through the **vents**. It’s utterly hilarious, because you should see _that_. They got the headcaretaker up on a ladder, he’s half stuck-half swiping around with a mop, in the vent infront our door. 

The only thing that worries me is the fact that Raviv, against all and every prescription over all his time in hospital-got up and out of his bed, stompingf to the door and discussing wildly, arguing that he would get his little Fellatio down there in no time „...I lost him , don’t you get it?! He’s my precious little baby pet! **I** am in charge of him, I made this mess , **I** gotta fix it! Now let me up that thing and get him OUT! NOW!“  
Wow, I’ve never thought that raviv could get this furious with rage. But it’s worrying taht he is up but trembling, no one else noticed it, otherwise they should have gooten him tranqued and in bed again. He just had told me that his sense of balance is practically non-existant with the metastasesses in his inner ear, that’s where your balance does cme from, something about fluid and motion-if I remember right from biology classes. Anon, give me help. I’m just praying that Raviv doesn’t collapse, but i can’ t watch this going on, I’m getting out there too. I could have stopped Fellatio, if had paid better attention. I’m in on this.

#### June 22nd, 2017

It happened. Raviv did collapse. I got out there, got scolded and then raviv climbed up the ladder and into the vent, where he crouched and crawled after his pet. Because they were busy with me, they didn’t see him. I did neither. But the medical examiner oin the lower basement and two good hours later did.  
In the moment Raviv,collapsing in the vent, broke through and fell on his table, atop of a also cancersick corpse, the poor man had been examining .  
Raviv is back, Fellatio as well , both tranqued. Fellatio now in a cage.  
He looks sicker than ever before.  
No Anon, I’m not in the mood to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Think about input!**  
>  Critique-why not ?  
> Ideas- Gimme, gimme,gimme!  
> Questions-Hell yeah!  
> Otherwise input-Yes  
> Mean things/ Hate-go home!


	4. Log 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 14, June 23rd 2017 to day 17, June 26th 2017

####  June 23rd, 2017

Anon, you won’t believe it! Ade’s back, he’s back! He went to walk for an indie, upcoming clothbrand in San Diego, Los Angeles and New Jersey. His next Job will be photzoshooting for a gay spinoff of Playboy Magazine, the _Gayboys Game_. he’s been e-mailing me various panties to choose, ‘cause he already picked his favourite eighteen, but is only shot with five different ones. I picked so far a grapecoloured G-string, a lime-and forestgreen tanga and a dark winered lace-up, he just _can’t wait t’wear, but all of’em are somethin’ ...though that red color’s a poem!_ So he already prechose it, it’s number one, he’s wearing it by any means. That’s how Ade just works.  
What do you think Anon? A Rainbow panty for a Gaypride Month photo-poster ? Or maybe a sweet boxer for a little more masculinity ? Well I’d tell him both, then it’s done and he has his choices.

####  June 24th, 2017

Well, I’ve decided. And Ade. We chose first: the prechosen winered lace-up; second:  
The rainbow as we call it, for a _lifesize_ Gaypride Month photo-poster! That’s amzingly incredible, isn’t it? For the third shot we chose , together over skype, a bright, burgundycoloured g-string.  
Away from that I gotta tell you that Raviv is still out. His tranqing has worked out yesterday noon already, but he is still asleep. And I’m not alllowed to go out, with or without nurse. Yup I’m still _on watch_. That’s what you get for _helping_ a highly cancersick Raviv getting his furry pet back.Y’know I just ran out and fell over my own two feet instantly. When they were busy with me raviv swaddeld up the ladder the caretaker had set up to mop for fellatio, as you already know, and then he crawled through the vents. And then, you know the rest...

####  June 26th, 2017

Raviv has awoken! He’s with me again. And the first thing he said : „...hmm?...uuuhh...ouuch...G’morning?...“ Yah, good morning Raviv, wanna watch Independence Day? He, of course, blinked at me and slowly the smile came back, and with it a nod. So we’re watching Independence Day, tonight. With half the station, it’s video-night. Everyone gathers in a room to watch a beforehand chosen movie, Independence Day, and watches it till the very end, with credits. It’ll be popcorn, popsicles, nuts and nutty snacks as well as haribo there. And chips ( or crisps, depending on where you’re from). For drinks you have the choice between Sprite, CocaCola, PepsiCola, Dr. Pepper, Fanta, Lemonade in Lemon, Lime and Wildberry.


	5. Log 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 18 June 27th 2017 to day 21, June 30th 2017

####  June 27th, 2017

I know, Anon, I know! I forgot to post something about the 25th, but...nothing, like literally nothing happened that day. It was utterly boring. And I maybe overslept that day completely, not that I wanted to, but i did. I actually woke up the next morning on, like two in the morning and needed a pee instantly. But I can still help myselves with that matter. 

So, I hung up the photoposter of Ade and impromto darryl (the nurse) walked in and I hung it in a way that the first thing you see, is Ade. He was drinking coffe and choked on it, turning brightly red, then storming out rightaway. That got Raviv laughing, more like chuckling to himselves calmly.

The video-night was great! It was even better, because first off, Ade joined in, uninvited, out of visiting hours and through an open window. But he joined. Second, Raviv actually was allowed to come/ go whatever your point of view might be Anon, the snacks were good, like as good as can be, but the lemonade was a poem for itselves. I need to know where they got that Wildberry one from, I’m addicted, hooked. Since yesterday night I’ve been just drinking Wildberry lemonade.

####  June 28th, 2017

The lifes of Raviv and me have been going back to ‘normal’ . We get our therapys, talk, talk to Ade. Raviv even gets along well with Ade. He actually asked Ade for an autograph, in case he might get very popular and famous and wanted all over, in order to sell the autograph for loads of money. Ade thought it was the best autograph question ( as well as his second, counting mine as a first ) . But it was nice, somehow. It felt really good to see them get along.

####  June 29th, 2017

Oh Anon, what a day I tell you. It was so damn busy. Before even Ravivs breakfast could arrive his father came over. To visit of course, but he had a lightgreen leash with him, it was pretty long, pretty not-so-used, and I thought Raviv had smuggled in another pet with-tragedy-to-occur, but it turned out to be for Fellatio. ... ...I totally _forgot_ it at home, when I came back....thanks bapak...  
_Mathuk ing, Raviv, mathuk ing._  
What did he say ? I don't know, but Raviv explained to me that his father (papa=bapak) is javanese whilst his mother is hebrew. So his name (Raviv=Rain) is hebrew, but his mothertongue is Javanese/Indonesian, so he actually is bilingual and learned hebraic coming into elementary, where from 5th grade on he learned English and even later had started on Latin, but couldn't finish due to his cancer.  
After that breakfast, as afore mentioned was being brought in and my brunch was in the making. Then nurse Darryl found Ade, sleeping under a table where he hid yesterday and I actually forgot about him. So they went on a chase around the room.  
The both had to stop it and act all nice, because Dr Immack entered the room and sent everyone out, besides me, yes he even made Raviv get into his new wheelchair ( _Don't try to walk or crawl, or anything! Your immunesystem is busted! Just try to don't be doing to much. You already overexerted youselves. I'm giving you a wheelchair, so you can be choven anywhere. Ok? Good._ ) and Darryl wheeled him out. 

_Samuel, this is serious. We can cure you. **But** we can't do it here. We need to fly to another clinic. the helicopter for you is ready anytime. We don't really have the equipment to give the better therapy. But our sister-clinic in Chile has. WE, as the doctors want you take off immediatly; but you need time to overthink: You can't see your father, you can't see Ade probably, you won't meet Raviv again. But you will gwt better treatment. Better medics and the best currently available therapy. Overthink it a few days, weigh up the positives with the negatives. I'll ask for it later next week, or something. You will be receiving the same treatment now, tomorrow or incase of no. Nothing will change.. _

Then Dr Immack left, Ade left, Darryl left and Raviv came back in. And my brunch, but it tatsed ball kinds of dull. It keeps me thinking of what I should choose: health, family? I don't know, in theory the choice is clearly Chile, but reality is full of emotions and they make deciding so hard. Dr Immack was right I just need time, more time...

What a day Anon. What a day.

####  June 30th, 2017

Anon, I still don’t know what to do. I should go to Chile. But I can’t, now can I? My dad says, he’s not one to judge, or decide. I should do what I think is right. But what is? Chile, that is.

Ade’s laughing at me, again. He says I’m sulking and getting mopey, I never get mopey. NEVER. Anon, help me. I gotta decide, it’s important. I’m going off, this ain’t helping me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Javanese_people look up what Raviv/ his father is exactly ;)


	6. Log 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 22, July 1st 2017 to day 25, July 4th 2017

####  July 1st, 2017 

Wow, it’s a new month. Well that happened fast. A new month, a new clinic. In Chile. I did it, because it’s the right thing to do. Go away, get healthy , get back homewards.  
It’s everything that matters. _Today a soldier, tomorrow a healthy man_ , Raviv told me as his farewell. Darryl said he’ll look after Raviv for me _and Fellatio, the beasty_ . Dr Immack’s my doc over here , yes Dr Immack, Orlando Immack, not Jersey Immack. He used to be the one who told me to go over to Chile. It’s his cousin, he arranged it, _so you don‘t have to get used to another name_ and winked at me. It made me laugh, I haven’t laughed since video-night. The flight to Chile was nice, I think. Maybe just okay. They gave me a pill, so I sunk in a drugged-up sleep. I wanted to unpack my stuff ( read : poster of Ade, little book with javanese prayers from Raviv, framed photo of dad, mobile, charger and the nintendo switch I ordered the other day. ) but the nurse here, a pudgy lady with the nicest smile I’ve ever seen, unpacked it for me before I attempted. She set the photo onto my way bigger than before bedside table, put Ravivs presentbook into the shelf right above , along with my mobile, nintendo switch and the charger for either. Into that tables drawer she put my few sweatshirts and my second headscarf. The first to it is brightly orangy/redly. I’m wearing it, cause it makes me feel better, somehow. The food here is a lot spicier. But I like it, I got a difference; if everything was the same it just wouldn’t feel right.

####  July 2nd, 2017

Second day, new therapy. I’m nervous. Like really , really nervous. A jitterbug, literally. I tried reading out the first prayer in ravis book, but I can’t read that language. So I just looked at it and it somehow calms me down. So I’m going in there with the book. Wether anyone says.

####  Afternoon

I’m still alive. I gotta wait, just wait, how my body reacts to the new medics, if it reacts. But I got a feeling, the same that made me take the farewells good. It’s somehow overwhelming, somehow sure and brave( almost utterly corageuos) and heroic.  
Yup, Anon, I’m feeling very well, despite what I had to leave behind.  
And the food over here is ok, just the curry yesterday was very spicy. Todays were **Pollo al barro**. A real fine chicken, it was super soft and juicy, I prefer meat juicy. It was delicious! I could eat jards of it! But it’s seemingly a long procedure to make it.because I asked my nurse if could have tomorrow some of it ,too. Then she told me.  
Now I’m a happy man. Anon, I hope you’re as well as I’m.

####  July 3rd, 2017

You wouldn’t believe how sneaky Raviv is Anon! He gave me that book, and snuck a note into it. I found it tomorrow when it fell out and it said: 

_Hey there! This my Whatsapp._  
69***1702**. Hope you call soon  
-Raviv 

Sneaky fellow. But I already write to him. Since tomorrow. We don’t do much further. I slept in after Raviv and I were talked trough. Now it’s like nine in the eve. I’mn trying to sleep Anon, I’m trying.

####  July 4th, 2017

Ade took me out to a restaurant nearby. He said, it was a thing and _a ass, dammit. Do you know how few Indies are in Chile? Brands are none, agencies are fewer and heck-a y’know. But I made it. Wanna go out?_  
I agreed and we went, as afore mentioned. The menu was small. No salads, no soups, no desserts. And three meals, I took meal one : A Arrolado huaso, it’s something ‘bout pork. With pigskin...should’ve never asked.  
Ade took meal three : Cazuela nogada , he would’ve tasted _walnut or something likely_ and it sure was good food, but still foreign. About that nogada thing, it is said to be curing from long travels, extentive partying and heartbreaks aswell. Wow, ade was as stunned as me and ordered it for a second time. He really loved that stuff.   
As I’m telling, three meals, the second was called ‘Locos’ and a man watching us muttered _don’t do the locos, it’s been unsold since the day before yesteday and it’s fish._ Then he left; we didn’t do it because neither of us likes fish that much. Although I like shrimps, not exactly fisch, but still seafood.


	7. Log 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 26, July 5th 2017 to day 29, July 8th 2017

####  July 5th, 2017

Ugh, I’m just so exhausted. I didn’t know what to do, so I just started watching NCIS: New Orleans again. I don’t know why I did it, besides boredom, but it was a bad idea nonetheless. So watched season one fully overnight and tried out Attack on Titan, but it’s pretty brutal, well drawn, but not my niche.So I tried out other, so called Anime and surprisingly it was nothing that sat well with me. Maybe because it just isn’t my thing? Well I had and utterly disliked : Boku no Piku,Bikini Warriors and Monster Girls. To much breasts, to less plotline. And that first was a weird shit. You wouldn’t believe it. But there are some, that were welldrawn, but foreseeable : Pokèmon, Pokèmon Origins, Digimon Data Squad. The ones I liked, but didn’t like somehow too, wren’t quite existing and the one I may watch again is Dragonball, it’s kinda interesting. Well, Anon, what do you think? What do you like? What movies, series or Anime? I’d like to hear.  
When I’m talking about movies, I do like the MCU ( Marvel Cinematic Universe) as well as that new Wonderwoman movie; was one there before of her? I can’t tell, but since I got diagonased cancer, tilll I was put into hospital, I watched nearly all the movies from Marvel Studios.

####  July 6th,2017 

I slept well. And that’s good news, after yesterday I mean . Well, it’s afternoon again, but what am i supposed to but watch Dragonball all day? I dunno. 

Something funny happened whilst I was typing this entry, I accidently wrote 20178 instead of 2017. _Welcome future! I have been awaiting you desperatly. Cancers a nothing now, isn’t it. Thanks for the cryo chamber by the way. Kept me cool over all the years._  
Back to the serious! I might get the cancer out of my system two months earlier than back before Chile...That hit me like a ...hydrogen bomb. Boomb!

Okay, okay that’s the worst pun I’ve ever made. Kinda.

####  July 7th, 2017

*Bang like a drum, b-bang like a drum...* Wow, it really is a summerhit, it’s stuck in my head already and I just saw in a commercial. Damn that commercial.  
Raviv told me he’s on a way to get might eventually cured. They found out that one of his metastases’ is nearly gone! That’s great news and he asked how I was doing?!  
Well, tghat’s Raviv. I told him, that I’m not feeling that strong anymore, but the pain in my liver isn’t that overly killing, it soothed just a little...I guess itn means I’m getting better. I might get even rid of that dumb catheter. I don’t like it at all. Makes me feel all kinds of helpless. The other option Dr Immack gave me, whilst I complained was a diaper. I’m **not** gonna wear a **diaper**! I’d rather die! I mean, someone has to change it for me!° what if my bladder decided it needed to empty itselves just right then? And what about a little respect for my private parts?

####  July 8th, 2017 

Hey Anon, nothing new today, but tomorrow for sure! We’ll be taking part in a charity walk to fiance operations for young adults ( alike me, agewise) but who can’t afford them, even if it meant to live and not die for them. Poor people. (NO pun this time) . 

Besides to come back to the catheter I went off about yesterday, I only had it like the last days, but Doc says I should be able to go toilet myselves now again. I caught a virus which made my bladder incapable of holding any urine (pee?) for that last coupla days. But I’m good again. So I’m gonna take my first pee since removal. Have fun Anon.


	8. Log 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 30, July 9th 2017 to day 33, July 12th 2017

####  July 9th, 2017

Well, today ain’t that charity walk, it’s tomorrow. But today was a firefighting exercise. It ‘d still been kinda boring, besides the hassle of running feet, nurses everywhere and somewhat morewhere. And then they put me in a wheelchair and rolled me out and then, when it was over, I had to walk back. Well, how smart, isn’t it?  
And they brought the new Dragonball movie on Tv. That rescued my day.  
I also ordered an action figurine of Piccolo jr. He’s the best. Kinda klike the Disney-Dwarf Grumpy, but cooler: He has antennas! Makes him look like a slug. A powerful slug with vampireteeth.

####  July 10th, 2017

Did you know Anon? They have lots of seafood-soup over here in Chile.  
It was, exactly everything the walkers on charity walk got, after walking a fair 5, 10, 15, or even 35 kilometres. I wanted to assign myselves to the 35, but Dr Immack told me _I would make that distance rather easily, but would your body? It’s compromised, your liver might give in someday and you lost quite some of your former bulk._ so I went for 5. Not happy, but he said that I would make it without a wheelchair and a defib. *grumbles* 

I made it! I made it! 5 kilometres and a laughing Dr Immack in football shorts later. It was actually fun to be out and walking again. I thought I’d end up sweating and out of breath. But I wasn’t suprised myselves. And Dr. Jersey, as he told me to call him,. since I wasn’t patient sixty-somthing and a thousand. No, he calls me Samuel, like all people I like. He was telling jokes and stories of surgery, because he used to be chiropratican, but relearned into cancer.  
Yeah, he’s nice.

####  July 11th, 2017

Hey<, hey, hey and hello! Today is Prime Day, so I’mma order the hell out of amazon, like whatever they might have. They price themselves with sales, tvs, clothes and knick knack. I’ ll first search for a flat, curved and new tv. That shacky , old thing here in hospital is as big as a child’s radio of Dispicable Me 3, 4 whatever. I don’t recall exactly. Well, yes since this is a special clinic, it is of course pretty very expensive and therefore more expensive than my other hospital was. My Dad ensured me that, yes, he can shoulder the costs and we won’t have bills for years, just a bit less on the shopping list and it’ll be all fine. I had a hard time believing it, but he showed me.  
So, yeah, a shacky tv for a live without bills forever more, sounds fair .Maybe.

I ordered a Tv! And a penisshaped shower sponge, colour: burgundy.

####  July 12th, 2017

God thank Prime-Membership and next day shipping arrival staff. My Prime Day offers-and-bought have arrived! I’m gonna throw a sponge at people. And stop drinking Energy Drinks today. Since these were crossed out from my NO-EAT-List I just had to buy to many, drink to many , have too much fun.


	9. Log 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 34, July 13th 2017 to day 37, July 16th 2017

####  July 13th, 2017

...  
Anon, I know, yesterdays entry is bullcrap. I had, as it says, too much sugar, caffeine, sweeties. Just too much.  
But it didn’t worsen my condition. Which is good. And it pissed of quite some people, which isn’t good. But that is how life goes.  
I heard news, on my new curved Tv. It was a report about cancerdeath, by lung cancer caused by smoking. It was informative and scary, I mean they did have so many millions of pictures with organs, skin, legs and so on, which wre literally dead and destroyed as consequences! I do feel bad now. I should’ve never started that documentation, but it’s unchangeable. I watched, I sucked up every pic, I am never gonna start to smoke.Not that had that intention ever before. But still.  
Very effective, smokers still won’t stop, but some potentials may let it be.

####  July 14th, 2017

Raviv called me. He’s been feeling better than ever before. And some gene professor has encoded his DNA and found a string he has seeen never before, it’s that string that , as in hypothesis, makes not loose his hair, although he’s been in chemo for practically nine years. And I was kinda halfway amazed and halfway creeped out by his giant fluffy , black masses of hair, which miraculously always is falling to behind.  
Yeah, it **is** kinda creepy. But beautiful. 

Can someone tell me, why, **just WHY** there’s nothing on Tv? I mean everyday is at least _something_ running, but today, when I’d need it? No, today is nothing on. Literally nothing! How am I supposed to survive the next hour? I’m in for my next bit of therapy. And my body responds very well to it. I’m progressing, they say. All of’em. 

####  July 15, 2017

Today happened nothing again, which is strangely the most exhausting. I got nothuing to do, nowhere to go, no one to talk to. So it’s all getting quite boring. Tv is running, but nothing really interesting. Something about the making of a Disney-Pixar movie. 

Did I tell, Anon? I got a job. As a lumberjack. In a wood. No, I don’t know what to write. I put back on some weight. Muscles. Ade landed himselves a job in Egypt. He thought it might not be fun, because Egypt is hot, ancient and he doesn’t know about their clothing / way of clothing. You see, usually models do need to know a lot about cultures, clothes, trends and the like, but he doesn’t. He never visited a school to learn such things, his management isn’t paid enough to tutor him and new, fancy personal assistant is a boy called Cheetah, whom he found in Harlem. He’s blonde, black and therefore outcast. So Ade just took him along, gave him a job and a reason to leave Harlem finally. Cheetah isn’t a name as we know it, but he doesn’t have another to be called by. So it’s Cheetah. I do believe it’s an animal, you know. Wait, let me look it up. 

Jup, it is. And a brand for „handmade Moutainbikes in Germany since 1998“ and „CHEETAH ballet, jazzdance, gymnastics and fitness clothing“ just what the fuck. I googled the latter on it’s own and they gave me amazon.com, catsuits colour : flesh/ muscle. Looks like that Titan on Attack on Titan in episode one, crushing in.

####  July 16th, 2017

Do you remember that clown from one of my early ( _well, earlier_ ) logs ? Raviv met him again. He confronted him about _just how do you think, you could keep going, I mean look at me, look in my face! I'm, to old for a children's clown! Can't you just go on to the next room? I didn't invite you nor pay for these rubber bathing animals you always bring and throw at me.Now shoo._ Yeah, Raviv was **pissed** at him. he told the nurses, the doctors, even the caretakers he told to **not** send that damned clown to him. But someone did, so he went to hospital directors, with the clown pushing his wheelchair; fellatio on lap and submitted an official complaint, which was answered with the following text; per interhospital mail service :  
Dear Mr. Raviv (they used his last name, but you don't need to know and I can't spell it);

****

We are very sorry about your complaint and are sure to take care of it as soon as possible, but please understand that this might take a few days to be solved.  
Nonetheless we hope you enjoy your stay at our hospital and get better very soon. 

Best regards,  
the Hospital Management. 

 

Wow, they _really_ put some effort in there.

#nocomment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So people, a new note! You can make this longer, not by time, I've set myselves a deadline and it's not going further than that. Second you can always put input here in comments. I'll read. I'll answer, but I might not be in the mood for checkingt or writing everyday.  
> Input can be anything, About Ade, Samuel, their past relationship, their friendship, Raviv, food in chile, Nurse Darryl, Samuel's new nurse, the double Dr Immack. Whatever YOU like to know, question, state or elses.


	10. Log 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 38, July 17th 2017 to day 41, July 20th 2017

#### July 17th, 2017

Hey Anon! I now this and the following entrys took their time (and are late) but I do have *drumroll* _**a reason**_!  
I didn't feel like writing and posting, I still did write, but the either forgot or just haven't been in the mood to write. I mean no one made do this, but I feel like sharing my story. A story that's quite strange and somehow unrealistic, but still, it is **my** story. But I gotta admit this post ain't a cooldown talk, it's sounding like an apology.  
That's kinda bad, I guess.  
So Imma change it., well somehow at least. Toda is day I would like to marry. My one, disney-like, big, fat love. Somehow sad, I don''t have said love. Okay anon, I'm twenty, I don't need to marry yet. Too young I guess. No one to marry here and no one in sight, besides my nurse with my creepy dinner. Looks like a zombie's whatever put in a mixer and then garnished with something greenish-yellow. Yuck! I miss pancakes on a day like today.

#### July 18th, 2017

Here's log number ..., what TEN? Holy mother! Yes, it's our jubilee, Anon! Day fourty-one, to be exactly, but still log 10! What a time...  
I met Raviv, the double Dr. Immack, Darryl, Ade and even saw Cheetah on a video call! I've been to Chile, still fight cancer, grow stronger and put back on weight, little by little. I chased Fellatios, read books I can't read. Watched all of NCIS: New Orleans, been through Dragonball till Dragonball Z : Kai. 

This is getting kinda melancholic. I feel like calling Dad. And Ade. Aaand Raviv.

#### July 19th, 2017

People ALL over the world, dear Anons! I am calling to a duel on my WiFied Nintendo Switch! You can't beat Samuel the King BOO! Well, Jim the Bowser Jr. does. We do play together a lot. I asked how come you got that much time and he answered _I'm in a wheelchair, my father's a teacher and he got a permission to teach me at home, in order to spare me from looks, bullies and stairs I can't climb. All the schools nearby aren't wheelchair friendly, neither are the buses or tram. We don't live in a city exactly but not in a pit either._ So he and I both got time and the game-so we play. His name, by the way, is Jim Schmidt. He had to spell it for me. Soo, who wants to join Jim and me playing? It's Mario Cart 8 Deluxe on Nintendo Switch. 

#### July 20th, 2017

I'm up to date, literally! I made it! Anon, we're on the same page again.  
So, what do we write on his page, besides my awesome life? Which isn't half the awesome I'd like it to be.

It goes in a routine like this:  
9.30 am : Get up-take a pee, stretch out, do exercises for legs,a few push ups, open curtains and middle window, enjoy breeze, waddle back to bed 10.15: Brunch arrives, eat  
10.40: Call Raviv, call Ade, watch newstime, call Dad  
12.30: Noon Fitness-stretch again, do walking execise, do a bit weight lifting, talk to other guys, try to impress girl with prosthetic  
2.00 pm: Back in bed, play Mario Cart either with or against Jim ,(Therapy)  
5.35: Dinner arrives, eat, newstime  
8.15: Primetime movie / series/ Dragonball  
10.30: Sleep

Neatly organized day, that's how a hospital works. And I wrote that as a normal day, which is, I only get therapy every third day. Since my body responds so well. And sometimes I rather take a little walk instead of whatever I do inbetween 2.00-5.35.  
So much for awesome, isn't it.


	11. Log 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 42, July 21st 2017 to day 45, July 24th 2017

####  July 21st, 2017

Forecast: _Today is just a little bad weather, tomorrow we’ll see Mr. Blue Sky again._  
Today, since this morning: pouring bucketloads and golfball hail, tornado sirens blaring and emergency lights going on, because electricity died with a thundergrowl introduced lightningstorm!  
Well thanks to Dad I got a really decent Laptop, which works three hours straight without loading and needs to be charged one.  
He and his cousin Marshall build it for me, for when I got delivered in hospital first. You know Anon, I was staying at home before it got worse and I needed straight medical attention.  
About the emergency lights, they _ **are**_ actually red on the floors and greenish in the patients rooms. We had to go to the tornado and hurricane shelter. It is unbelievably cozy in here. All warm with warm-coloured lights, wool and fleece covers, big pillows, basic medic equipment and needed mashines. I was allowed in the cozy corner with the girl I mentioned earlier, the tough latina with  
the prosthetic arm. She doesn’t talk much but she looks my way, which means I either make her feel uneasy or she likes me. I gotta figure that (or ask, but that’ll get me bruises), ‘cause I really wanna know! I’ll ask her !

 

_I’m not easy to look at you know, with the arm. And I don’t know, what you want, but I’m no girly or a fling, just you know, baldy._

Samuel, if you care to know and I wanted know, why you do keep looking my direction.

_Maybe you’re the only one my age in CozyCornerTM and I saw you before. You’re the Douche on The Walker who always flexes nicely before walking._

Yeah,could’ve been me. Were you watching? Watching closely?

_Eyes on your ass? Dream on. But I gotta admit, I do like your backside. Y’know, ‘s kinda cheeky._

Oh really? I prefer profile. _Your_ profile. Strong arms, well arm. But you get my point, now don’t you?

_Gosh, stop it! You make blush Samuel, wasn’t it?  
Better tell me, why you wear tight sweats.You can actually do, but still..._

They’re leggins. And usually I wear jeggins. I just like to feel the fabric on my skin. Can’t have loose ones, or baggies. Just ugh.  
And I know I can do. Makes my backside cheeky. 

_Yeah Sam, you cheeky bastard_

Call me Samuel, okay? I don’t like being called Sam or worse Sammy. I feel like I’m being made a toddler.

_Okay. Samuel then, I’m Felicia, not Feli. I don’t like nicknames myselves actually._

Mind me, but why are you in hospital?

_For rehab, after losing my arm, accidently. What’s your reason?_

How you loose ‘accidently’ a whole arm? And my reason is liver cancer.

_..._

Felicia, I do get better already. In like two months, I’m not officially cured but rid of it. Or you mad ‘bout the arm?

_No, it’s fine. Just cancer, it’s really serious. Not that you wouldn’t know..._

Your ‘accidently lost’ arm not?

_Well I lost it by being pushed, then stumbling and ending up with my shoulder in an automatic saws blade._

...

_You asked for it, so don’t pout, baby~_

Did you just really call me that? Am I your Boytoy?

_No, but you could become that or more..._

You’re seducing me? Well try harder, honey.

 

After that we broke into laughter and decided it was worth a friendship. So, Anon, I’m sleeping today as a big spoon >: } .

####  July 22nd, 2017

I nearly died this morning. I woke up and there was a girl in my arms! Glad I remembered Felicia and our talk before I did something stupid. So I got up and went to get breakfast for two. Dr Immack smiled his special smile at me and gave me doubles. So I woke her and she just asked Shaking her head, all smiling. 

We had to stay in the shelter, because there was still a tornado warning going on.   
So Felicia and I made ourselves a nice pillow fort and compared families, friends and the like.

####  July 23rd, 2017

My laptop gave in and in that shelter we don’t have enough sparable energy reserves, so I can’t recharge.That’s my reason to be late this time.Also nothing but a normal as normal can be day happened. The only extraordinary happening was, that Dr Immack made me errand boy for everyone _In order to have you walking your doing every nurses and doctors errands, I wanna see you walk at least the day. It’s better for your muscle, therefore your health._  
I don’t believe a word . But I have to, of course.


	12. Log 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 46, July 25th 2017 to day 49, July 28th 2017

####  July 25th, 2017 

Anon, I’m getting lazy. This started as something to make me feel better, but it became a routine. Which is bad for, because I’m starting to shorten the daily entries and so they loose something, well yes, lenght and information density. You could’ve told me. I mean I’ve been counting hits, but is that really an info for me? No, I tell you it isn’t. It ain’t. And it won’t ever be.  
I’m little mad at you Anons, but more at me, because I can neither entertain you nor make you cry. Did I ever mention that ‘Anons’ to me aren’t only the nameless, the accountless and so on? No, everyone is an Anonymous person on the internet.  
So, everyone can comment. Say whatever you want, I don’t care. But I’ll answer. 

As for my day, we moved back to the hospital, after the stormwinds calmed, more or less. At least no hurricane/ tornado warnings anymore. So Dr Immack but me back to bed and announced that I will be walking more, because _I saw you walking. You were well on your feet. But you miss some motor skills, especially your fine motor skills are still somewhat inaccurate. But that’s nothing you and I could not do, right? Well, go for it, I guess ?!!_ Ugh. More and evermore walking. But if it keeps me healthy and steadily drags me goalwards, why not. So get it on!

####  July 26th, 2017 

I was made walking again. Does Dr Immack love to pick at me? I mean, I get that works out, ru'ns marathons and has a doctors grade as well as some masters. Gosh, is he perfect? I can't beat him at my fave game as well. and he plays chess and beach volleyball. I got to know this by searching him on the hospital's site, stalking through his FB and Twitter and asking my former Dr Immack on him.

_Yes, he is my older brother. When I was younger I called him Jesus. Because everyone went on and on 'bout him being so perfect.So good at school, always and over again scoring A grades. I hated him, so knowing that he used to be highly religious, so it was fun. He thought I made God mad. But that ceased with his first master grade. Of course I wasn't unloved, but most attention went to him. Besides that ofmy, well our, grandfather fathers side. He thought of Orlando as "inhumane" and therefore spoiled me rotten. And I let myselves be spoiled like that.But Orlando sometimes broke under the pressure of keeping it that way, scoring As, being the best. So he worked out, smiled alot, worked on. I actually haven't called him in ages. But that made me learn one lesson: There's always someone better than you, respect them and they respect you. Usually._

On the way of that talk I found out ( yes, it went on!), that Orlando is better than Jersey but he never rubbed it under his brother's nose and even suggested him for an expensive scholarship, so he could make his dream come true and work as a cancer-specialist. Orlando is a good Dr, but he aint no specialist, he's just the headdoctor, who assigns nurses and specialists for me. he comes by and talks. That's exact his job.

####  July 27th, 2017 

I don't feel very well Anon. In fact I should feel better than ever, i mean, look at those boquets ! Ade's been sending them. he kind of overdoes things. Just look at these giant flowers! Half a metre high, colourful and everlasting! They're ridiculous! It still _is_ a sweet gesture.  
I gotta admit I've received loads of get-better-soon plants. From my family an rather ugly potplant, from Raviv a Nenus Flytrap, which is residing on my bedside table. It came with a water sprayer and some syruplike stuff to spray at that flytrap. I named it Truppy. From Ade aforementioned jungleplants and from Dad Pancakes with inbaked homeflora.

####  July 28th, 2017 

I'm feeling better than I did yesterday. So I took my laptop and opened amazon.com and searched through my beloved's( +friends& mates) wishlists. It went like this: So I make the strangest Amazon purchases of my life! A Mixer, a few rubber duckies, a Gucchi bag, a sparkling ball dress, a fleece blanket ( with ninja turtles motive) and a beige turtleneck. Thanks for the flowers, this is your little prez. Samuel.


	13. Log 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 50, July 29th 2017 to day 53, August 01st 2017

####  July 29th, 2017

JUBILEE!  
50 Days of Dear Anon Internet! 

Wow. What a special day. I want to thank my Dad for his lovely calls, his outstanding and thoroughly honest support and of course his homeemade pancakes. They really are survival.  
Then I want to thank my ex Ade for **his** calls and support, his hotshots who remind me to live. Then for Ade's receptiveness and his bypassings and visits. On that occasion I want to tell him : Stop sending me jungles of nice flowers, they're nice but they barely fit in my room. I already have 48 boquets in XXL-oversize from you. It's really nice, but you're kinda overdoing it.  
Then I want to thank his personal assistant Cheetah for bringing those giant boquets into my room and I wanna tell him, that he can actually talk in my presence. It's okay I'm not biting you. I never will.  
Now I want to say my thankings to the lovely Felicia, who I met in a shelters in CozyCornerTM. She really is lovely and she's the first one whom I haven't known before Chile. She did give me back a social life and contacts that aren't doctors or nurses. So she gave me back what I've been missing out since I've got to know of my cancer. And she became, more importatntly a close friend.  
Then I gotta give my thanks to Jim, whose been an very good player and mate, to the double Dr Immack who did everything and will keep on going like that as I was told; by them both. To the nurses who have been helping me, getting my food and sneaking in the one or other special treat for me.  
And last but definitely not least, I want to thank every Anon out there, for hitting my blog and looking at it, maybe. 

THANK YOU!

Now I'm gonna get myselves a cake after therapy and then I'm gonna take a long walk with Felicia. More like jogging rounds in the hospital park, but well.

####  July 30th, 2017

Well hello there!   
I'm freaking out! . I'm dying. Just like, right now. Everyday. When my cancer first grew, I started dying. And I'm still dying further. It makes me kind of a zombie? Somehow I'm alive, somehow I'm dead.Life and death are contraries; counterparts nonetheless.

...

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are worked within this fic, if you write them towards me or towards Samuel directly, they're -if possible- gonna be part of the next daily entry. So yeah you readers are Anon Internet YOU are the ones who can make chapters longer, get to know more about Samuel, Mr Relaxe, Ade or the male nurse Darryl.


End file.
